mental health

Dear diary- Entry 17

It’s been a long time since I’ve written. The truth is I’ve been struggling. A few weeks back I noticed I was having difficulty sleeping again. Tossing and turning all night, clenching my teeth. I ended up with TMJ. I could barely open my mouth to eat and the headaches were unbearable. I went back to the doctor and switched my medications. I had been on Zoloft forever and it served me well. Now I’m trying Cymbalta again. It basically does the same thing but I sleep much more and much better.

With so many issues it’s sometimes hard to tell what’s causing what. That’s when the anxiety kicks in. The google research, the panic, not knowing what’s wrong with your body is an awful experience.

I’m happy to report all though I’ve been struggling with my memory, my housework, the unending piles of laundry, my three children, and my health; I’ve still managed to keep up with my bible scriptures, my job, and staying calm.

God willing, my disorders will not keep me from enjoying my life.

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 16

Today my daughter came to me with a problem she was having with some friends from school. She explained to me that one of the girls and her boyfriend were going around saying that my daughter was trying to break them up. She also said that another girl tried to say that my daughter told others about a secret that she told in confidence.

While she is explaining this to me I can see several text messages coming through her phone. I asked to see her phone. She reluctantly gave it to me. I read through the messages back and forth between my daughter and the other girls. It appeared that my daughter was upset that the two girls were spending time together and she was feeling left out. I could also see where the other girls attempted to apologize to my daughter but she refused to accept.

I explained to my daughter that although I could see why her feelings may be hurt, I could also see where the other girls were trying to forgive and forget and move on. I talked to her about gossip and how she should never get involved in gossip and if someone tells her something in confidence she should always honor them. I also explained to her that we are never to treat others as property. We all have free will to be friends with and spend time with whom ever we want. Unfortunately we aren’t always going to be someone’s first choice. But we should never be upset with someone if they don’t choose us.

As a parent, one of the hardest things is to watch our children struggle or get hurt. But we must give them good advice and not just sugar coat or work out their problems for them. Rejection is a continuous part of life and learning how to handle rejection is a very important life lesson.

My daughter cried for a little while and felt bad for herself for a few minutes but by the end of the night, she was back to her normal self.

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 15

p1Ok…so, about 4 months ago our glass enclosed shower shattered while we were at work 😱. That’s right, spontaneously combusted. Well, there was no way I was putting glass back up. So, I decided to just put up a shower curtain. Easy enough, right? Except it wasn’t.p3

It’s a corner shower, so I needed a corner rod. This meant I would need either a curved rod or an arrow shaped rod. I went to HomeDepot. I explained to them what I needed. They didn’t have any rods in stock but showed me their online catalog which included curved rods for $75.00- $100. Umm, no thanks.

So I went home and searched amazon. I found a rod for $25.00. Perfect!

When the rod arrived, my husband and I installed it. However, because of the position of our shower, in able to make it long enough we had to install it close to the ceiling. Which caused problem #2. The shower curtain. The one we had was too short. I went to every store in town and none of them had extended length curtains. Back to amazon.

Two days later I was hanging the curtain and we were back in business. It wasn’t long before this extra long shower curtain was beginning to turn orange because it was dragging the floor. There was no middle support so the rod was dipping in the middle. My husbands thoughts were if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Just because it wasn’t broke didn’t make it ideal. The perfectionist I am, took it down. I mean the curtain was so heavy the screws holding the rod were coming out of the wall.

There she sat for another month as I searched on Pinterest for a DIY solution. PVC pipes. That was a great idea. Only I couldn’t figure out how to mount them to the wall. I decided to use the old mounts from the first rod. Wouldn’t you know the hole was too small. So I tried manipulating it by soaking it in hot water and bending it. Story of my life. Round hole, square peg.

Almost 3 months later and a family of 5 sharing 1 shower, the light bulb went off. Metal hooks and wire rope. My own homemade suspension rod.p5

Hey, my wall may look like cottage cheese but the curtain is up!!!! FYI- I really need to take some DIY classes 😫p4

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 14

Have you ever thought about how unfair life can be? And I say this very light heartedly because I know there are people and things going on in this world that this could never compare to. But just for a laugh, picture this:

The other day my husband had mowed the lawn and cooked on the grill. Of course as usual, I was busy grocery shopping, doing laundry, and helping our children get ready for the next school day. He had the nerve to get an attitude with me. When I asked what was wrong, he pointed out that I didn’t even notice the things he had done that day. He was mad because I didn’t thank him. Thank him for something he does maybe twice a month. No one thanks me for things I do everyday.

That night he told me he would skip the gym in the morning and take my son to the bus stop so that I could sleep in. My alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I usually would walk upstairs to make sure my son didn’t sleep through his alarm. Of course my husband falls back asleep. I guess he thought my son would wake him when it was time to leave. I began to get out of bed and my husband asks where I’m going. I say, I don’t think he woke up. He tells me to lay back down. He walks upstairs and bangs on his door and tells him to get up. Great, now the entire house is awake. So much for sleeping in 😫

Lesson learned. He may not do things perfect or do things the way I would do them and I will probably end up doing it myself anyway. But it’s the thought that counts and the effort he put forth. That’s why I love him.

So don’t take each other for granted. No matter how little or how often. Just say thank you!

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 13

Funny story,

I was having “potty time” and began reading the following article. It talked about why women cheat. I told my husband that I had an article I wanted to share with him for his listening pleasure. But I never actually sent him the link.

Later on that day, to my surprise, he sent me the same article. We texted back and forth about how different women and men are in their needs and wants. We talked about what we could and couldn’t relate to.

I explained to him that I agreed that women obviously deal with more when it comes to home life. And I admitted to becoming resentful of not only having to work a full time job but also having to balance everyone’s schedules, manage the finances and be the primary caretaker of our children. I explained to my husband that when we first met, I was a single mom with 2 kids and couldn’t wait to see him. Why? Because he was like a vacation. My only stress relief. But once he became a permanent fixture in my life, he began to add to my stress level.

So the question is, can you be married and truly be happy? The answer is yes. I’m on my second marriage and what matters most to me is that my husband is standing right next to me no matter what I’m going through and that he has promised to never leave me. You can have a physical attraction/ relationship with anyone but true intimacy is sharing your life, both the good and the bad with another.

My husband is guaranteed to make mistakes and I’m guaranteed to make mistakes. In the end, our love and commitment to each other is what keeps us connected. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything or anyone in this world. I’ve found my forever love ❤️.

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 12

So…. my life has been utter chaos lately. All three of my kids are home and we’re working on getting back into a routine. My husband is still trying to figure out how we can clean the house and it looks like a tornado hit it 5 hours later. I gave up on that battle last year.

My daily bible reading and women’s book club reading has took up all the extra time I had to blog and read. But, God comes first. So, I’m praying for my time management.

I’ve been fluctuating my medications between 50mg and 100mg. When I take 50mg, I don’t always sleep as well and have a lot of energy. When I take 100 mg, I sleep too much and don’t feel like doing anything. 75 mg seems to be the magic number.

What did I learn today? This morning my children and I were getting ready for church while my husband remained in bed. “Church is not his thing”. The type of OCD I have caused struggles in my marriage where I question if I’m with the right person. It’s hard you have a family divided. I worry I’m sending my children the wrong message. Not to mention my husband has the worst potty mouth. I said something about it this morning and his response was, “this is who I am, if you don’t like it…deuces.”

He’s exactly right. When you choose to marry someone, you are taking them for who they are. It’s not my job to change him, it’s Gods. However, it works both ways. I shouldn’t worry about him accepting me for who I am either. Isn’t it wonderful to be exactly who you are and not be judged? I love dogs and my husband doesn’t. So, I reminded him of this. If I have to live with his potty mouth, then he has to live with my love for animals 😍😘

God is good!!! Happy Sunday everyone.

mental health

Dear diary- Entry 11

Today was one of those days. You know when you feel like you’re going to have a bad day so you do something nice for someone else to make you feel better? Well today, I came home at lunch and baked cookies 🍪. Not homemade cookies but the kind you buy out of the refrigerated section of the grocery store and pop in the oven. Then I prepared a salad for both me and my husband. I knew he was at the gym so I left him sticky notes 📝 and told him how much I loved him.

My husband was kind enough to pick up our daughter from school and took her to the park. When I got home I spoke to my oldest two children, who are visiting with their dad, about their interim reports for school. It took me an hour to review those, email their teachers about missing assignments and their school counselors about the login information to track their grades.

Once that was done I began to help my little one with her homework. She’s in the first grade and still can’t tie her shoes or put them on the right foot. She struggles with reading and writing certain letters and numbers backwards. Tonight we practiced writing her numbers from 1-70 until she became frustrated, then quit. She began working on her math problems as I cleaned up the kitchen and prepared her dinner. All while my wonderful husband who had the entire day off, sat on the couch and watched T.V.

I could feel my blood begin to boil. Then I reminded myself that I was not a child and he was not a mind reader. I used my words like the adult that I am and told him that I would really appreciate his help. He said nothing and didn’t move. Talk about fuming 😤. I walked upstairs, tidied up my daughters room and prepared everything she needed for her bath tonight and school tomorrow. That’s when I heard him talking to our daughter. He was helping her finish up her homework.

What therapy taught me? I’m an adult and adults SHOULDN’T throw temper tantrums like children. Proverbs 29:11 teaches me- A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back. My medications help me control and hold back

Proverbs 15 is actually a great reference on how staying calm is better than lashing out when angry 😡

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. 3 The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. 4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

By the way, I have sat on the couch, typing this post quietly for the past 45 minutes. I have not said one word to my husband. Not to give him the silent treatment but to maybe make him a little nervous and give him the time to reflect on how he can next time be more helpful and considerate of to his wife and child’s needs. We’ll see🤐